Thanks for the writing! All the insights, techniques and resources are really helpful. A spring board to the practice. I can see myself coming back to this text time and time again to remember and rediscover ways of looking, so thanks again.
It’s awesome to hear that it’ll be of benefit! I had many moments while writing when it felt like the only audience was my past self, the one who was struggling so much with practice. So it’s wonderful to know it wasn’t just for him.
I'm genuinely excited that you purchased the book! There's so much helpful information packed into a relatively small number of pages. I hope you find that to be the case as well.
To augment the book, I'd _highly_ recommend this formulation of the basic instructions. It's the best I've read by far:
This is all very helpful. I have been struggling with my meditation practice cause I am having a hard time deciding what I want in life, but have no problem listing things I don't want. I have to switch my brain from retreat mode somehow. Shrooms have shown me it is possible for my brain to be free of fear and full of appreciation instead, but the effects never last so I have to find a better way. I was an alcoholic for years and hiding from life was my default way of being, unlearning that habit has been hard. Im three years sober now but still struggling to put myself out there as much as I would like to, but I hope to get there one day.
Huge respect for the sobriety! That is an impressive accomplishment. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your vulnerability here. I think many people would struggle to find the courage to do that!
All I have to offer regarding finding your way out of constant retreat is encouragement. There are many times when I feel like the only thing propelling me forward is pure stubbornness, but then something shines through. And I often find it all the more bright because of how accustomed my eyes are to the dark.
Thanks for the well wishes. Turns out getting sober was the easy part. Confronting and working through all the things I was hiding from emotionally by numbing myself for years has been the real challenge.
This is great! What I notice running through my practice after reflecting through this lens is that I have a “meta-awayness” orientation toward wasting time. I have fear that my practice will be a massive time investment that results in failure. This mindset leads to me being anxious and hyper vigilant about practicing “effectively” which, at least in something like Samatha or Metta practice, actually does lead to a form of failure.
It’ll be interesting to bring an awareness of that pattern into the equation and see what happens from here.
It's fascinating how even the criteria and standards by which we judge what is or is not a failed practice, along with what "effective" even looks like, can go unseen for so long.
Man, i want to add i went to a Vipassana retreat shortly after reading your piece, this frame of towardsness/awayness was very opening for my practice. Thank you again, may you keep sharing the fruits of your work
this retreat was well-timed as the month prior i was working exploring my authentic desires and agency ( big hindrance throughout my life ), and your essay participated in binding it all together.
while on previous retreats a frequent struggle was dukkha tightening my awareness and keeping me in a frame of awayness, this time around i could approach dukkha in a more light-headed way, being purposeful about the object or quality i pointed my attention towards without being carried away by side events.
i related deeply with the 'Most Brilliant Patterns' part of your essay as well. it fills me with gratitude to be able to connect on such specific patterns of human experience and collectively heal from them
Thank you for going into more detail about your experience! What you wrote deeply resonates with me. Probably the most beneficial result of noticing awayness is how it has shifted my relationship to dukkha, struggle, and experiences that are difficult. It has shifted my basic orientation from viewing dukkha as a kind of existential problem to solve to a perspective that is deeply curious about the full spectrum of my human experience, including the difficult. As a result, my meditation sessions have simply become much more enjoyable. Not always easy, but deeply interesting and enjoyable.
I found it interesting “muscular contractions” you reference in the opening map almost directly onto Karen Horney’s understanding of the mechanisms of (psychoanalytic) “neurosis”, that of “moving toward people”, “moving against people”, and “moving away from people”. Not exactly a dharmic source but strangely parallel.
I’ve talked a lot about gratitude and appreciation practice and I love what you suggest here about the inversion. “what would devastate me the most about losing X” is such a great prompt!
Exciting to hear it resonates! For reasons I explored in the piece, I just completely bounced off "standard" gratitude and appreciation practices so much that I had to get inventive. That is not a criticism of the usual practices; quite the contrary! I've found my way into a few of them after I was able to relax the incentives that were blocking them from working, and they are beautiful!
Thank you! I really wanted to ground everything in the particulars of lived experience to provide pointers toward the felt sense of how successful Awayness-driven patterns can actually be. They really are quite interesting.
To put it more simply, clinging to a preconceived notion of what meditation should be—or resisting any perceived imperfection in form—ironically exacerbates the very strain you're trying to relieve. This won't be for everyone, but if anyone is interested in a more transgressive deconstruction: https://jakehpark.substack.com/p/anti-agency-letting-go-an-expose
Thanks for writing this. Sending some joy your way. Catch!
Enthusiastically caught and deeply appreciated!
Thanks for the writing! All the insights, techniques and resources are really helpful. A spring board to the practice. I can see myself coming back to this text time and time again to remember and rediscover ways of looking, so thanks again.
It’s awesome to hear that it’ll be of benefit! I had many moments while writing when it felt like the only audience was my past self, the one who was struggling so much with practice. So it’s wonderful to know it wasn’t just for him.
Same, I bought Opening Awareness just now. This whole piece resonates so much!
I'm genuinely excited that you purchased the book! There's so much helpful information packed into a relatively small number of pages. I hope you find that to be the case as well.
To augment the book, I'd _highly_ recommend this formulation of the basic instructions. It's the best I've read by far:
https://feelingtones.substack.com/p/full-of-feeling-in-any-situation
I linked it in the piece, but it's so good that it's worth relinking.
This is all very helpful. I have been struggling with my meditation practice cause I am having a hard time deciding what I want in life, but have no problem listing things I don't want. I have to switch my brain from retreat mode somehow. Shrooms have shown me it is possible for my brain to be free of fear and full of appreciation instead, but the effects never last so I have to find a better way. I was an alcoholic for years and hiding from life was my default way of being, unlearning that habit has been hard. Im three years sober now but still struggling to put myself out there as much as I would like to, but I hope to get there one day.
Huge respect for the sobriety! That is an impressive accomplishment. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your vulnerability here. I think many people would struggle to find the courage to do that!
All I have to offer regarding finding your way out of constant retreat is encouragement. There are many times when I feel like the only thing propelling me forward is pure stubbornness, but then something shines through. And I often find it all the more bright because of how accustomed my eyes are to the dark.
Good luck on your path, fellow traveler!
Thanks for the well wishes. Turns out getting sober was the easy part. Confronting and working through all the things I was hiding from emotionally by numbing myself for years has been the real challenge.
This is great! What I notice running through my practice after reflecting through this lens is that I have a “meta-awayness” orientation toward wasting time. I have fear that my practice will be a massive time investment that results in failure. This mindset leads to me being anxious and hyper vigilant about practicing “effectively” which, at least in something like Samatha or Metta practice, actually does lead to a form of failure.
It’ll be interesting to bring an awareness of that pattern into the equation and see what happens from here.
It's fascinating how even the criteria and standards by which we judge what is or is not a failed practice, along with what "effective" even looks like, can go unseen for so long.
Good luck, my friend!
Really great article - I really enjoyed to read it !!! Thanks a lot for sharing!
that was very insightful and needed, thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you for engaging it!
Man, i want to add i went to a Vipassana retreat shortly after reading your piece, this frame of towardsness/awayness was very opening for my practice. Thank you again, may you keep sharing the fruits of your work
Wow! Powerful to hear. I’m deeply curious about your experience.
this retreat was well-timed as the month prior i was working exploring my authentic desires and agency ( big hindrance throughout my life ), and your essay participated in binding it all together.
while on previous retreats a frequent struggle was dukkha tightening my awareness and keeping me in a frame of awayness, this time around i could approach dukkha in a more light-headed way, being purposeful about the object or quality i pointed my attention towards without being carried away by side events.
i related deeply with the 'Most Brilliant Patterns' part of your essay as well. it fills me with gratitude to be able to connect on such specific patterns of human experience and collectively heal from them
Thank you for going into more detail about your experience! What you wrote deeply resonates with me. Probably the most beneficial result of noticing awayness is how it has shifted my relationship to dukkha, struggle, and experiences that are difficult. It has shifted my basic orientation from viewing dukkha as a kind of existential problem to solve to a perspective that is deeply curious about the full spectrum of my human experience, including the difficult. As a result, my meditation sessions have simply become much more enjoyable. Not always easy, but deeply interesting and enjoyable.
Thanks again!
I found it interesting “muscular contractions” you reference in the opening map almost directly onto Karen Horney’s understanding of the mechanisms of (psychoanalytic) “neurosis”, that of “moving toward people”, “moving against people”, and “moving away from people”. Not exactly a dharmic source but strangely parallel.
Fascinating! I'm unfamiliar with Horney's understanding. I'll have to do some reading. Thanks!
Found in a fully realized state in Neurosis and Human Growth, if you’re curious!
I’ve talked a lot about gratitude and appreciation practice and I love what you suggest here about the inversion. “what would devastate me the most about losing X” is such a great prompt!
Exciting to hear it resonates! For reasons I explored in the piece, I just completely bounced off "standard" gratitude and appreciation practices so much that I had to get inventive. That is not a criticism of the usual practices; quite the contrary! I've found my way into a few of them after I was able to relax the incentives that were blocking them from working, and they are beautiful!
I love that you were able to problem solve it like this!
The frame of mapping ‘my most brilliant patterns’ is frankly brilliant. Appreciated the lucidity and courageously curious vibe of this piece.
Thank you! I really wanted to ground everything in the particulars of lived experience to provide pointers toward the felt sense of how successful Awayness-driven patterns can actually be. They really are quite interesting.
Very interesting and well written.
Thank you!
To put it more simply, clinging to a preconceived notion of what meditation should be—or resisting any perceived imperfection in form—ironically exacerbates the very strain you're trying to relieve. This won't be for everyone, but if anyone is interested in a more transgressive deconstruction: https://jakehpark.substack.com/p/anti-agency-letting-go-an-expose